DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
