i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize