i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Randomize