My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
