when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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