The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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