i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
