I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
