Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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