Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
