I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
