I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Please, let me fuck your mom
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
