i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
