doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize