if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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