Is it normal to miss your booty call?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
tell me about the fingering
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