none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The Olympian is in my bed
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
