We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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