CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize