He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
it hurts more in the daytime
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
