If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
