dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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