conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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