She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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