so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
