that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
