just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
