I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
