I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
