sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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