oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
