I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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