So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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