The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
