I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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