is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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