I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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