I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
