Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
how does that bad decision feel?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
