my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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