so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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