they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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