Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
