I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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