At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I need a beard to bite.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
