im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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