If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
