Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
