I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
