can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Farmville is her only friend.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
