I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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