my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
nutella sex= disaster
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize