one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
