Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
