and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
