Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
