I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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