Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
