I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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