you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
