her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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