I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
