That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
