You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
