you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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