He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
