I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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