take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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