so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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