We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
