We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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