It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
