I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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