You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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