11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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