I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize