Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
