So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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