i permit you to call me
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
