i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
