He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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