im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
