The maid of honor just puked.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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