Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
