so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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