After last night, I could never be a politician.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
