she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
