So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
