Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
