Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
