If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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