If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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