I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
