Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
