roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
