I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
