i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize