bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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