People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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