I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
