Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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