i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
