I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
