Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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