I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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