I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
