K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
