I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
