we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
