your room smells of hookers.
And success
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
